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Dragon
Fighting: For Women
This Woman's Understanding of Pornography Addiction
Updated
7/1/10
.
. . . This
information is written for women. It is direct. It is a reality
that women try with all their might to ignore because it is so excruciatingly
painful. But sometimes the only way out of a problem is through
it. Sometimes the only way to eradicate a cancer is to submit to
the sickening ordeal of chemotherapy. Accepting the reality that
the man you love is addicted to pornography is like accepting a
doctor's diagnosis of cancer. To help him you have to do plenty
of research. Don't run to the first support group, halfcocked. It's
not the same for every man even though every man faces it but you
can start with these three: understanding, mercy and patience.
TOWARDS
UNDERSTANDING:
Contentment
is enjoying a normal roaring fire or crackling fire or glowing
embers in your home fireplace. Lust is when you think throwing
in the furniture will make it "even better." It's that temptation
to turn good things into "even better" things that gets us into
trouble....all of us. Contentment is accepted, not achieved.
We live in a society where the media preaches to us constantly
about how their product or experience is now "even better".
Consumerism is lust run amok! When was the last time you heard some
woman brag about the "even better" deal she got? It's
everywhere and its a lie. Pleasure is a merry-go-round that always
brings you back to the same old place - itching in discontent. Pornography,
while unique in many ways, still shares that fundamentally flawed
philosophy of "we've made it even better."
Pornography
is a teacher of deception. It teaches a man to obsess about
sex and that women deep down are all prostitutes. Modern media and
porn teach a man to expect reality to mirror an impossible fantasy,
namely: fantasy girls want no commitment, can't get pregnant, have
no feelings to hurt, contract no diseases, never get tired, they're
always ready, always available and he can control them. It's a constant
barrage of lies - both overt and subliminal. As one man observed,
"girls on TV have male sex-drives. In real life, it ain't so."
Pornography
drains his soul and makes an empty man even more empty. Viewing
an obscene image literally takes a piece of his soul every time.
The immediate pleasure is intense but emptiness is the only lasting
feeling pornography can give. Being emotionally close to an addict
is like living at the edge of a black hole... a bottomless pit.
The proverb reads, "Death and destruction are never satisfied and
neither are the eyes of man." He'll eat up the attention you give
him and turn around and treat you like a used Kleenex. I've been
there and I've felt that. It doesn't matter what you look like or
who you are.... you cannot fill a bottomless pit with perfect love
or a ton of bricks.
Hypocrisy
strengthens a porn habit. That is to say, if he thinks you're
a hypocrite then he'll use that as an excuse to ignore you and keep
spending hundreds of dollars on cheap thrills. He's a hypocrite
in a number of ways but his overfed lust has blinded him to that
obvious fact. He can't see himself clearly.
A
Porn addict worships himself and probably thinks you do (or
did) too. There's no such thing as a humble porn user. Even a man
who constantly says, "I am no saint" is still talking about himself.
As the saying goes, "there's no package so small as a man wrapped
up in himself." He lives in confusion wondering why he feels so
small and unimpressive despite his accomplishments. He doesn't realize
his mistaken thinking. As a god, he certainly is very small and
unimpressive. However, as a man, he is a full fledged knight with
a gallant steed. He needs to realize that he is simply not a god.
He is not in charge of the universe, he is not omniscient, he is
not omnipotent, he is not qualified to judge the heart motives of
others and he's not supposed to be! There is only one God and HE
tolerates no rivals!
This
man's girlfriend or wife can experience: grief, emptiness, loneliness,
desperation, the sense that she is in charge of the relationship,
a sense of emotional abandonment, a sense of worthlessness, a sense
of oppression and a variety of mind-torturing fears. All these are
compounded by her own store of selfish ideals and lusts. Alternatively,
she may walk blissfully along in superficial conversation holding
everyone at an emotional distance to avoid the pain. That works
too. The mental conflicts are complex and an understanding shoulder
to cry on is rarely available.
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