. . . . This information is written for women. It is direct. It is a reality that women try with all their might to ignore because it is so excruciatingly painful. But sometimes the only way out of a problem is through it. Sometimes the only way to eradicate a cancer is to submit to the sickening ordeal of chemotherapy. Accepting the reality that the man you love is addicted to pornography is like accepting a doctor's diagnosis of cancer. To help him you have to do plenty of research. Don't run to the first support group, half-cocked. It's not the same for every man even though every man faces it but you can start with these three: understanding, mercy and patience.

TOWARDS UNDERSTANDING:

Contentment is enjoying a normal roaring fire or crackling fire or glowing embers in your home fireplace. Lust is when you think throwing in the furniture will make it "even better." It's that temptation to turn good things into "even better" things that gets us into trouble....all of us. Contentment is accepted, not achieved. We live in a society where the media preaches to us constantly about the bigger and the better. Consumerism is lust run amok! Take a moment to think about your own "bigger is better" expectations. When was the last time you heard some woman brag about the "bigger and better" deal she got? It's everywhere! Women too have believed the lie. Pornography, while unique in many ways, still shares that fundamentally flawed philosophy of "bigger is better."

Pornography as a type of media, teaches lies. It teaches a man to obsess about sex and that women are all prostitutes in disguise. Pornography and the media teach a man to expect reality to mirror the fantasy, namely: fantasy girls want no commitment, can't get pregnant, have no feelings to hurt, contract no diseases, never get tired, they're always ready, always available and he can control them. It's a constant barrage of lies - both overt and subliminal. As one man observed, "girls on TV have male sex-drives. In real life, it ain't so."

Pornography drains his soul and makes an empty man even more empty. Viewing an obscene image literally takes a piece of his soul every time. The immediate pleasure is intense but emptiness is the only lasting feeling pornography can give. Being emotionally close to an addict is like living at the edge of a black hole... a bottomless pit. The proverb reads, "Death and destruction are never satisfied and neither are the eyes of man." He'll eat up the attention you give him and turn around and treat you like a used Kleenex. I've been there and I've felt that. It doesn't matter what you look like or who you are.... you cannot fill a bottomless pit with perfect love or a ton of bricks.

Hypocrisy strengthens a porn habit. That is to say, if he thinks you're a hypocrite then he'll use that as an excuse to ignore you and keep spending hundreds of dollars on cheap thrills. He's a hypocrite in a number of ways but his over-fed lust has blinded him to that obvious fact. He can't see himself clearly.

A Porn addict worships himself and probably thinks you do (or did) too. There's no such thing as a humble porn user. Even a man who constantly says, "I am no saint" is still talking about himself. As the saying goes, "there's no package so small as a man wrapped up in himself." He lives in confusion wondering why he feels so small and unimpressive dispite his accomplishments. He doesn't realize his mistaken thinking. As a god, he certainly is very small and unimpressive. However, as a man, he is a full fledged knight with a gallant steed. He needs to realize that he is simply not a god. He is not in charge of the universe, he is not omniscient, he is not omnipotent, he is not qualified to judge the heart motives of others and he's not supposed to be! There is only one God and HE tolerates no rivals!

This man's girlfriend or wife can experience: grief, emptiness, loneliness, desperation, the sense that she is in charge of the relationship, a sense of emotional abandonment, a sense of worthlessness, a sense of oppression and a variety of mind-torturing fears. All these are compounded by her own store of selfish ideals and lusts. Alternatively, she may walk blissfully along in superficial conversation holding everyone at an emotional distance to avoid the pain. That works too. The mental conflicts are complex and an understanding shoulder to cry on is rarely available.

Counterattack!

Woman is the perfect companion for man and she can help him in unique and amazing ways that no man is capable of. I believe men need and want a complete relationship (spiritual, physical, emotional etc.) and not just a physical one. A real relationship between man & wife is always more rewarding than a paper, video or male one. Only a man & wife can become one flesh and make a baby! This is why only a woman can complete a man and why he needs to verbalize his feelings about it with her.

Can you handle the truth? How strong are you? If you discover his videos/magazines/phone records, can you be strong? Can you calm yourself down, take a breather, take a little vacation and pull back enough to think rationally and pro-actively? Can he trust you? Can he trust you not to look down on him? Do you have the sensitivity of a surgeon or do you come unglued - like wildcat with claws? Most women who discover this type of infidelity in their relationships head straight for the door. Is that the only answer? I don't believe it is.

Hold Love Lightly
You can actually help him if you prepare yourself in advance. ...and do a lot of soul searching of your own. You can make a big difference through your silent actions. But it depends upon where your heart is. After all of your valiant efforts, he may never believe you so it's important to hold love as lightly as you can. Don't let your need for his affection turn into a lust.

Many men will not respond well or appropriately. Many have developed bullying tactics to strengthen the bars of the cages in which they live. Some are so in love with themselves that they'd honestly rather live alone with their addiction than give it up for a life of contentment with you. Pity his futile quest. Just don't give up until you've done your ALL.

I have one last Christian thing to share with you if you really want to slay this dragon. Click here to read it.